Guys.
I'm weak.
These past few weeks have been a nightmare. MEANING, that I have eaten my fare share of awfulness. And not here and there, like all day long. Piles of cookies, mounds of hot tamales, soda, pizza, hot dogs, hamburgers, death, carnation, destruction, THE SECOND COMING.
No love in the club. It's odd because as you're putting this food in your mouth you feel shame which drives you to eat more. Seriously, it's a thing. It's called the shame cycle and it happens with any addiction. Stress leads you to act out (which is eating in my case) and immediately after you do that you feel shame, which causes stress, which starts the whole process over again. Sometimes I wonder if people who don't understand a food addiction can grasp what's happening. Unlike most other addictions you NEED food so you're triggered every second of every day.
Needless to say, I'm not feeling my best. I'm feeling a little hopeless, a little helpless. Very cynical, and sarcastic, which is actually quite fun if you have someone to share your negativity with. That's where you guys come in! And in fact my sarcasm might be the reason I only have like 27 followers. SCORE! I'M FAMOUS!
Anyway, it's good news time. I'm running again! The groin injury/the cancer/lou gehrigs disease finally healed! Granted, I'm back at square one...which is the worst. I'd rather have Satan living in my attic. And I would tell him that he wasn't the worst thing that had happened to me if he DID live in my attic. Moving on...
My lungs feel like sand paper and my legs want to give out. Worse than that, my resolve is shot. Yet here I am blogging about it. So the blaze has become a weak flame. That doesn't mean I can't still burn down the house. I will confess though guys, I need your help. It takes a lot of courage to ask for help but that's what this whole project I began is about. It's about having the courage to do something instead of just talking about it. You guys help keep me accountable.
You know it's crazy thinking that we come into this world with no preconceived notion of our worth. We learn from our families that we are loved, but for the rest of our existence it's like a struggle to prove we're even worth the love. How much better would our lives be, if we knew, truly knew our worth and the worth of others. How much differently would the world be, not only in terms of how we treat one another, but in advertisements, and music, and movies. You may think I'm a dreamer.....but I'm not the only one.
Just kidding. Sorry guys, I'm feeling a little worthless tonight. The only disappointment that can arise from all this is if I stamp out the flame myself. If I throw up my hands and say, "It's too hard!"
In the end, I want to be courageous. I want to succeed and that only leads me down one road.
I also want to be able to run fast enough and long enough that when the zombies attack I can survive...but that's just a side thing....
You, my dear one, are not worthless. Here's what I have to say about that: well, you are high-larious so, you're worth a good laugh. You're beautiful so it's worth taking some time out of my day to Facebook stalk you/ read the blog and look at your beauty. You are open with your struggles and your triumphs and that makes you fabulously honest making the open book of Sally a worth-while read. I LOVE YOU.
ReplyDeleteSally! You can do it! You CAN!I am completely in this struggle with you. Yesterday i went a on long walk and contemplated how hard it is to battle food every.single.day. And this is what came to my head
ReplyDelete1.Portions
2.prayer
3.Persistence
These 3 p's are powerful!! I know that the lord is aware of both of us. My biggest struggle is my portions. Why is it that people around me can eat whatever they want and not gain an ounce? It has a ton to do with portions!!! Eat less, move more= weight loss. Seems simple but is SO HARD.
I think i will always really WANT to lose weight. But, it all starts in the mind. It starts with realizing that you ARE worth it! You CAN do anything you set your mind to! The lord will help you, he is aware of you! KEEP FIGHTING!!!
I really like the 3 P's from "Anonymous". I'm in the same struggle. But along with those here's something I've discovered about my thinking that I need to fix. I don't make horrible decisions ALL the time but those are the things I count! What's up with that???? So I've started to give myself huge atta-girls for anything I do that is good. i.e. I just ate dinner and ordered something that wasn't the best. But I didn't eat all of it. Do I beat myself up for the first decision? NO!!! I say, "Way to go for stopping before I was stuffed!" Another example: Did I drink that third diet coke today? No, I stopped at 2 and drank water for dinner. Yay, me!!!! It's given me power to make better and better choices each time there is a choice to make. And that's addictive, too.... Take that!
ReplyDeleteJust letting you know, you have 29 followers now.. FAMOUS you are!! I like the three P's. I will try it. GO SALLY! GO GO GO!! I have been impressed with your honesty and openness. GO!! You look great! Do you have a free day where you can eat whatever you want?! that's what I do. I count my calories all week, and then on Saturday, (don't ask me what I've eaten today..) I just eat whatever. But then on Sunday, I feel so gross from eating all of the Reeses Peanut Butter Cups I want, that I am good for the rest of the week. I use an app called "Lose It." I like it. Chris has done amazing with it, but me, Eh, not so much.. But I did loose 2lbs this month.. Woot woot! I will give my self an "Atta-girl"!!
ReplyDelete