It’s been so hard to find time to update my blog lately. A
lot of it is definitely laziness but I’m going to call it pregnancy fatigue
because it sounds like I have a good excuse. So sorry I haven’t updated in a
while I’ve just been soooo fatigued! Growing a baby is NOT easy, let me tell
you.
Legitimately things have been a little stressful these past
few weeks. I was sick for so long with that horrible cough so we’ve been
playing catch up with our finances. Never fun. In addition to that we got
another blow from my work about maternity leave. In short? They owe me
absolutely nothing. No California
Anyway, we’ll work it
out, I know we will. I just hate that we’re not more prepared for a kid. And
before you say “No one is really
prepared!” stop yourself. That is the least comforting thing you can tell me.
Learning that everyone else sucks as bad as me is not soothing.
Anyway, the Air Force thing is still moving along. It’s
moving slowly, but moving along just the same. I’ll give more info when things
pick up.
In baby news, I’m working on my master plan. My birth plan
that is. I’ve been so stressed out about labor and the delivery that I’ve just
been researching the hell out of everything I can get my hands on. I have
always had a general mistrust of doctors for several reasons so I just feel
like as long as I have a general guideline of what I could possibly encounter I’ll
feel much better about things. And don’t get me wrong, not all doctors are the
worst. I know they have knowledge and training that I can’t even begin to
understand but that doesn’t mean that the final decision about things they do shouldn’t fall into my hands. I feel very strongly about being
informed and have even been told by several people to stop researching because
it will only cause me stress. I would rather know, than not know, so the
researching isn’t going to stop. And as a result, the stress probably won’t
either. It's a risk I’m willing to take. Luckily, I was able to sit down
with my doctor and discuss what I can expect from her during delivery and I
felt so much better. She agreed with me a hundred percent on things I wanted to
do and made me feel really at ease. I never once felt like she was going to
focus on anything else but the safety of my baby and myself. I’m still going to
whip out a detailed birth plan though. You never know who is going to be on
call when you end up delivering. Which, really, how pointless is that? You go
through your whole pregnancy with this one doctor and when game time finally
arrives you’re thrown in with a complete stranger. I get they can’t be there
for everything but seriously, what a pile of crap. Anyway, once I get my birth
plan all sorted out I’ll post it on here for you guys and who knows, it could
be really helpful to someone.
Other than my sleepless, stressed out nights worrying about
labor, third trimester hasn’t been too bad. First trimester was still the worst
in my opinion. I’ve been blessed to not have a whole lot of heartburn or an
enormous amount of swelling. I think the worst thing I’ve dealt with has been
my back pain and even that comes and goes. I did have a bout of nausea
during my 30th week which made me so terrified that it was back for
FOREVER. Thankfully, it subsided and I’ve come to learn that a lot of these
symptoms come and go so I’m trying not to worry about it too much. I feel
bigger and bigger each week and even though it’s taxing, I’m ok with baby
taking all the time she needs. I am anxious to see her and terrified all at the
same time. I still don’t feel ready to be a mom. Maybe I’ve fooled myself into
thinking that I need to have it all together before I can raise a child but I
just feel like I’m cheating her out of having the best version of myself that I
can offer. Sometimes I regret getting pregnant which is a really hard thing to
admit but I don’t blame my baby at all. It’s not her fault. There’s nothing to
resent her for. But I do feel a lot of fear and a lot of inadequacy that I won’t
be everything she needs. Maybe I won’t be. I guess that’s why there are two of
us. The nice thing about Ryan and I is that we do have a lot of attributes that
compliment one another. Hopefully together, we can be everything she needs.
I hope that wasn’t too honest. I have a tendency to just
word vomit all over the place and then I get confused when people are
uncomfortable. It’s how I make all my friends. Oh…wait…
Despite all my worries I do have a couple of awesome things
to look forward to this month:
First off, the nursery is nearly complete. We’re still
sorting through things but its SOOO close. I just need to box a couple more
things and put up some shelves or something. I guess I need to decorate as well
but that’s the last thing on my mind. My
baby isn’t going to care either way and I really don’t need to be worrying
about what ‘cute’ things to put on the wall. Seriously, it’s the very last
thing on my to do list.
Second, I’ve got another shower next week! I feel so loved
and so lucky. I can be a difficult person to befriend so I feel really
fortunate to have people here who can overlook that flaw. So Cindy, Kristina,
and Amy, thank you so much! I couldn’t be more excited. You guys are the best.
Third, the end of September is near and that means
HALLOWEEN! YAY! I have this adorable countdown that my mom sent me and it’s
already on my desk, along with this awesome ghost pal.
I’m so excited for
pumpkin carving and Halloween sugar cookies and the crisp air and creepy movies
and, and, and…*sigh*…I’m so excited.
So I’ll just close with a quick pregnancy update and a
couple photos including one of my main girl, Penny.
I’ve been trying to walk
more since I got over my cough and she’s been my buddy on each outing. She’s
trying to be patient with me and my slower pace but we still enjoy one another
quite a bit on those walks. She’s been such a comfort during this pregnancy and
I’m so happy she’s going to be a part of my baby girl’s life. Speaking of pets:
We had to get rid of our kitty, Calico. We kept her safe
during the healing process of her leg and I grew super attached. Unfortunately,
I’m totally allergic. The more she has been in our house the worse my allergies
got. We had the same problem with our first kitty but I have such a hard time
not loving these cute cats.
Anyway, she’s probably so much happier now because
we found her a great home! Ryan’s brother and his girlfriend have taken her in.
They renamed her Maisy which fits SO perfectly and she has two new kitty
friends. You really can’t help but love her. She’s so snuggly and just beyond
sweet. It was hard to see her go but I’m so glad she’s got new people to love
her.
Okay, so as promised it’s the end.
Week: 32
Total Weight Gain: 22 lbs. Not bad.
Cravings: I kind of crave things based on what I see. I’m
super susceptible to food persuasion. If I see it, I want it. Sometimes I’ll
think of certain foods and lose my mind with how much I want to eat them. Like
calzones. Where the crap do I buy a calzone? And it sounds soooo good! Or Life
cereal. Or Twix! As a result I’ve made a lot of really yummy recipes that are
healthy so I don’t kill myself on the not so healthy cravings. For example, I’ve
made a delicious vegetable minestrone soup and a taco soup. So delicious and
generally pretty healthy. For both of those recipes visit: ourbestbites.com
Major Symptoms: I’ve talked about the biggest one which is
my back pain. A lot of the poop issues I was having have disappeared since I
started eating a little better and exercising which is a relief.
Emotion: I’m stressed with a dash of excitement. I think
most my blog covered this area anyway.
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