YAY

Haaaaaaaay guys.

It feels like forever since I have updated my blog. Oh it’s been since February so I guess it has been forever. Two months is the definition of forever, in case you were wondering.

So most of you already know that I've got a bun in the oven but in case you didn't…well, now you know.

It’s been a crazy mix of emotions every day. Having babies was honestly something I always knew I wanted but never felt ready for (still don’t feel ready by the way). I have always thought that I would reach this magical destination where I was mature enough to be all like, “Of course I know what a 401K is. That must mean I‘m ready for children.”

If I’m completely honest, I’ll tell you that it wasn't something I was planning on at this time in my life. Yes, I know how babies are made so don’t snidely ask me. Regardless of what precautions we were taking (or not so much taking) it still wasn't something we were expecting.

Planned or not, the minute that little line showed up on my pregnancy test I was filled with equal parts panic and elation.

To be honest, I didn't even think I was pregnant. Every month I thought I was pregnant (mostly because of previously stated lack of precaution) and I had wasted lots of money on pregnancy tests bought in a blind panic. This particular month, however, I felt no such panic, or foreboding on the matter. I took a test just as a joke. To laugh at myself for always expecting pregnancy. So I peed on an extra stick I had lying around and this is what I got.

Hello little positive line.

Like I said. I was filled with equal parts panic and elation. The panic was mostly shouting, “What the HELL?!” Whereas the elation was already buying baby clothes and remembering those little catchers mitts it had seen at the store the other day.

I texted Ryan, who was fishing at the time, that I really, REALLY needed to talk to him. Pregnancy tests can be wrong, right? I needed to take a second one just to be sure. Ryan finally replied and I texted him something unintelligent like, “Um, I just took a pregnancy test and it’s positive.” To which he replied, “Yay!”  We're super good communicators.

I rushed back to work (cause I had been on my lunch break) and came in a little late after buying my second test. As I waited for my results, I started to realize that I was worried it was going to be negative. Worried. To my instant relief, that little positive line popped up like a teeny tiny high five. I realized in that moment that I was going to be okay. Four weeks pregnant and I already felt an overwhelming amount of love for the itty bitty parasite inside me.

The panic disappeared for a moment and allowed my elation to take over allowing me to fantasize about all the new changes about to take place.

After I went home Ryan helped me realize even more how exciting things were. Despite our riveting text conversation, Ryan has been so amazing. Not like he wasn't amazing before, but it’s been nice having him be so excited. He’s been there through the nausea, the poop problems, the fatigue, the panic attacks (yeah the panic came back), and crazy demon hormonies that possess me every once in awhile. He’s been an absolute angel. So understanding, and attentive. Things have been rough for me these past couple of months. Not necessarily with the pregnancy (although that has been kind of suckville), just with my own personal life. Ryan has been a rock through all of it. He’s never left my side and I can’t even tell you how much we’ve grown from all of this. Big changes are coming, and we both know that. But despite all the area’s in which we are lacking, I think we were ready for this. We don’t have a dime to our name, but we’re ready for this step.

Anyway, now on to the complaining. I know a lot of women find pregnancy magical and wonderful but my current impression is…not…that. I’ve been mostly nauseated and less throw-upy which I really do thank my lucky stars for. I pretty much wept at the doctors office so I could get zofran. I HAVE to work and I wasn’t going to get up every morning ready to kill myself. Everyone will give you the advice of snacking throughout the day, eat crackers, toast, blah, blah, blah. Well I can’t, because I’m gluten intolerant. Which leads me to my next complaint.

Gluten Intolerance. I utter those two words with spitting anger and disgust. When you’re pregnant, and ready to heave, what do you eat knowing that gluten will make it worse? For awhile I tried just throwing caution to the wind and eating gluten. I tell you my friends, I have paid a very heavy price. I would eat top ramen and my entire stomach would churn in protest. I went days without pooping. Not only does pregnancy block you up, but so does zofran, and now so was my gluten intolerance. So on top of the incredibly annoying nausea, I now also had horrible, HORRIBLE cramping. I tried to fight through it because, what else will I eat? What do I eat?! I used to panic when I’d get hungry because the longer I went, the more nauseated I became and everything that was gluten free made me want to toss my cookies. My swearing got worse. My cramps got worse. I started to worry that I was hurting the baby.

Finally, I sucked it up. I invested in some gluten free bread (that’s $5 for a tiny loaf no joke), got some canned fruits, and gluten free cereal. Things are a little better although now I have to talk myself into liking the things I have to eat. I’m not entirely gluten free. Every once in a while I’ll give in but mostly because I’m hungry and too tired to put more effort into a meal.

Now I know that my pregnancy experience is not the worst one there is. I am very lucky that I have been able to work without too many issues. I have also been able to take myself on a couple walks, although I desperately miss the gym. I lost 20 lbs before I got pregnant which I believe was a big factor in me getting pregnant in the first place. A healthier body means more hospitable environment ;). Once I feel better I plan on going back. I really wish it was easier for me to have a healthier pregnancy. Not like I’m eating a lot of candy and fried foods (gag) I just don’t eat like I used to. I ate tons of fruits and vegetables throughout the week and now they make me feel sick. I’m counting on all this going away soon so I can go back to the way things were.

Speaking of weight, I LOVE the baby bump. It is by far the cutest thing about my body. I've never been so excited about getting fat. I don’t even try to suck in anymore. Let that bump breathe! It’s so fun having a pregnant belly. I was just about to post a picture of me with the small bump and then I remembered my post about chicks that post when you can't even see it and thought better of that decision. I mean, I swear you can see it, but since I'm already sort of overweight it mostly looks like my original fatty. Anyway, I'm going to support my own opinion and not post a preggy pic till you can see the baby bump.

Well kids, I really have so much more to post but I’m exhausted. I love you guys. I hope you’re all excited as we are.